追忆：怀雅各长老最后一次生病和死亡概述
经验的概述
怀夫人的演讲
我想对在场的人说几句话。我亲爱的救主在这个急难的时候一直是我的力量和支持。在我丈夫弥留之际，当我从病床上被带去与他在一起时，起先这场突如其来的打击似乎太沉重了，我承受不了，我便呼求上帝把他留给我，——不要把他带走，撇下我独自操劳。两周前我们还肩并肩站在这个讲台上;但是当我再次站在你们面前时，他却不在了。他不会在场帮助我了。我要独自一人了，然而我不是独自一人，因为我的救主会与我同在。当我的丈夫如此平静地断气，没有呻吟，没有挣扎时，我觉得我要是想用我爱的双臂搂住他，把他留在这里，就是自私的。他像一个疲倦的战士躺下休息了。我的心感触极深，但我可以告诉你们，我没有眼泪要为死者流下来。我的眼泪是为了活着的人。我埋葬我心爱的宝贝让他安息，——安息到复活之晨，那时赐生命的主必叫被囚的人出监牢，得享光荣不朽的永生。{PH168 40.1}
而今我开始独自从事我毕生的工作。我感谢我的救主，我有祂所赐给我的两个儿子站在我身边。从今以后母亲必须倚靠孩子们了;因为坚强、勇敢、高尚的丈夫安息了。随着他的动乱结束了。我要在生命的战斗中单独战斗多长时间，我不能说;但有一件事我要对你们说，那就是，当我见到我丈夫呼出最后一口气时，我感到那时耶稣对我来说比祂在我生命中以前任何时刻都更为宝贵。当我站在我的头生子旁边，在他死时合上他的眼睛时，我能说：“赏赐的是耶和华，收取的也是耶和华。耶和华的名是应当称颂的”(伯1:21)。那时我感到我在耶稣基督里有一位安慰者。及至我的小孩子从我的怀抱被夺走时，我不能再见到他小小的头枕着枕头在我旁边时，那时我能说：“赏赐的是耶和华，收取的也是耶和华。耶和华的名是应当称颂的”(伯1:21)。而今我所倚靠的广博深厚的爱人，与我同工三十六年的丈夫被取走了;但我能把我的双手放在他的眼睛上，说：我把我的珍宝交给祢，直到复活之晨。{PH168 41.1}
当我看到他去世，且看到许多朋友同情我时，我想：这与耶稣被挂在十字架上时的死是何等的对照啊!何等的对照啊!在祂痛苦的时辰，辱骂的人在嘲笑愚弄祂。但祂死了，祂经过了坟墓，要使它变亮，使它发光，好使我们甚至在死的事上都可以有喜乐有盼望;好使我们可以说，虽然我们在耶稣里安葬了我们的朋友，我们还要再次与他们相见。{PH168 42.1}
现在我前所未有地赏识基督徒的盼望，基督徒的天国和基督徒的救主。而今我能说：“有安息给疲倦的人。”不久前，当我们指望去科罗拉多、去大西洋海岸和太平洋休息时，我的丈夫说：“我们不要过度忧虑。我们不知道一日之内要生何事。上帝也许会在我们面前开一条路，而这条路现在看来是模糊不清。但是，”他说，“我要休息，我要休息。我们一切的道路都藏在耶稣基督里，只要我们一天天信靠祂，祂就必在我们前面开路。让我们现在就信靠祂吧。”我丈夫在那里[转向棺材]找到了安息，但我还要战斗。我还不能脱下耶和华的军装。我若倒下，就让我倒在我的岗位上吧;我应该准备好;应该能像他那样说：“一切都好。耶稣很宝贵。”{PH168 42.2}
朋友们，我们都需要这个指望。我们永生的指望全都集中在耶稣基督身上，所以那就让我们永远为祂操劳吧。祂从今以后就是我的向导，我的丈夫，我的顾问，我的良友。祂必与我一同走过人生的荆棘路，最终我们必再相会在那没有离别、没有分离的地方，那里也不会有人再说：“我病了。”我交出我的宝贝;我向他告别;我不去他的坟墓哭泣。我也不能为我的小儿子和长子流泪。复活之晨太明亮了。于是我期待那个早晨，那时破碎的家庭重新团聚，我们也要看见王的荣美，目睹祂无比的优美，并将我们闪闪发光的冠冕投在祂的脚前，弹起金琴，使整个天国都充满我们音乐的旋律和羔羊的歌。我们要在那里一起歌唱。我们要一起在白色的大宝座周围夸胜。{PH168 43.1}
[以下是怀长老人生最后几周宗教经历概述，还有他最后生病和死亡的一些事件，读者会特别感兴趣，因为来自他那失去亲人的伴侣的笔下。]{PH168 44.1}
在我丈夫去世之前数周，我竭力向他强调找一块工作园地，好摆脱在巴特尔克里克必然临到我们的种种负担的重要性。他在回答时说到了许多事，都是我们在能够离开之前必须注意的——必须有人尽责。然后他深有感触地问道：“做这工作的人在哪儿呢?会无私地关心我们各机构，愿意支持正义，不受他们可能要接触的任何势力所影响的人在哪儿呢?”{PH168 44.2}
他含泪表达了对我们在巴特尔克里克的各机构的忧虑。他说：“我的生命已献给了这些机构的建设。离开它们似乎与死无异。它们就像是我的孩子，我不能使我的利益与他们分开。这些机构是主的工具，要做一项特定的工作。撒但试图阻碍并击败主藉以做救人工作的每一工具。若是那大仇敌能按照世界的标准塑造这些机构，他就达到自己的目标了。我最大的渴望就是有合适的人在合适的位置。如果那些身居要职的人在道德力上软弱，在原则上优柔寡断，倾向于把人带向世界，就有足够多的人会被他们带走。邪恶的势力不可盛行。我宁愿死也不愿活着见到这些机构管理不当，或转离建立这些机构的初衷。{PH168 45.1}
“在我与圣工的各种关系中，我从事最久关系最密切的就是出版工作。在我献身这方面圣工期间，我已倒下三次，受瘫痪的打击。既然上帝已使我有了新的体力和智力，我就觉得能前所未能的服务祂的圣工。我必须见到出版工作的兴旺。它与我的生命交织在一起。我若忘记这工作的权益，就让我的右手忘记技巧吧。{PH168 45.2}
“我想只有很少的人能赏识我对上帝的这个机构的奉献之情。它是我照顾的孩子。主用我作祂的代表，使这工作得以存在，并将它向前推进，直到它以大能脱颖而出，取得了辉煌的成功。当我看到它背负了沉重的债务时，很少有人知道我所感受到的痛苦。我总是说我决不会把我的房子抵押出去;但我们出版协会的债务比这更糟糕。也许邪恶在我心中被放大了;我可能对这件事感触太深了;但是一想到它，我的心就感到一阵剧痛。我对自己说，我永远不会休息，直到这个机构摆脱债务。我从事各种企业，唯一的目的是实现这一目标。我恳切地祈求上帝使我的努力取得成功。如果祂乐意恩准我的请求，荣耀就惟独归于祂的名。”{PH168 46.1}
大约在他去世前两周，我丈夫经常让我陪他去我家附近的树林，和他一起祷告。那些都是珍贵的时光。有一次他说：“我感到非同寻常地恳切渴望更多上帝的灵。我没有像我本应该的那样常常祷告。当我们疏忽祷告时，我们就开始感到自己有足够的效能，好像我们能做大事似的。但我们越接近上帝，就越感到自己的软弱，需要来自上头的帮助。我的力量在乎上帝;在祂里面我要夸胜。”{PH168 46.2}
还有一次，在走着去平常祈祷的地方时，他突然停了下来，脸色很苍白，说：“我心灵上有一种深切的严肃感。我并不灰心，但我觉得与我和你有关事情将要发生某种改变。要是你不在了怎么办?哦，不会这样的!上帝有工作要你去做。但我希望你能给自己时间休息，这样你才能从这种虚弱的状态中恢复过来。你的虚弱持续了这么久，以致我对结果感到很忧虑。我感觉到一种危险，随之而来的是对上帝特别赐福的一种说不出来的渴望，一种我所的有罪都被基督的血洗去的确信。我承认我的错误，并且请你原谅任何曾使你悲伤的言语或行为。务必不可有什么东西阻碍我们的祈祷。在我们之间和我们与上帝之间，一切都必须是正确的。”{PH168 47.1}
我们在那里以谦卑的心灵彼此承认我们的错误，然后真诚地祈求上帝的怜悯和赐福。我们的祈祷结束后，我的丈夫依然俯伏了几分钟。他站起来的时候，脸上洋溢着快乐和幸福。他赞美主，说他感到了基督之爱的保证。他说：“当我们看见耶稣在十字架上的时候，我们的自足自负多么快就消失了呀。我感到羞愧，因为我曾经认为我有一段艰难的日子;我曾经抱怨过我的磨难。一看十字架，我就觉得我没有为耶稣和祂的真理忍受过什么。我永远不会忘记这段经历。当我被误解和歪曲的时候，我允许一种好斗的精神在我里面被激发，并试图为我的做法辩护。我现在看到我这样是错了。我再也不会叫别人注意我自己了。我若行事谦卑，就必有一个永远不会离开我也不会撇弃我的朋友。我要把我的工作和我所有的利益都交在耶稣手里，让祂为我辩护。”{PH168 47.2}
然后他说了几句诚恳祈祷的话：“上帝啊，祢有一项工作要在地上完成;一项如此伟大的工作，以致我们一想到它的重大就因自己的软弱而战兢。但祢若愿意赐给我们力量，我们就会开始从事祢交在我们手中的工作，并且推进它。我们会设法使自我消失不见，并在人生的每一言每一行中使恩典的能力显大。我们有一个严肃的信托。在上帝的日子我们的记录将会如何呢?主啊，我要赞美祢，因为我完全是祢的，祢也是我的。”{PH168 48.1}
“从这个时候开始，”他继续说，“我要在上帝里面得自由。我一直允许业务催促我压迫我，以致我没有什么时间祷告。在这一点我是错了。主并不希望我们如此匆忙。如果我们花时间祷告，研究圣经，并且赞美祂的名，祂就能使用我们达到更好的效果。主有一项工作要我们去做。我必须适应它，我觉得我没有片刻可以浪费。我不会向怀疑或气馁屈服。主赐福我，即使是我。”他放声大哭，并且惊叹：“对于上帝所有的怜悯和爱，我是多么忘恩负义!”{PH168 48.2}
又有一次，在树林里祈祷的时候，他说：“基督对约书亚说的话严肃有力地来到我心中：‘把你脚上的鞋脱下来，因为你所站的地方是圣的’(书5:15)。我觉得我必须完全摆脱自我。我诚心诚意地愿望用我的力量来促进和平、幸福和上帝事业的进步。我必须培养同情心和耐心。对我来说，静下心来需要更多的恩典，而不是积极参与战斗。‘住了吧!静了吧’(可4:39)!这是我要学习的功课。{PH168 48.3}
“我们一生都在积极服务。在冬天的寒冷和夏天的酷暑中，我们东奔西跑，从不让自己被环境控制，被贫穷吓倒，被反对惊吓，我们一直在职责的道路上勇往直前。生活成了一个不断努力的场面;现在，要学会卸下更重的负担，就像放弃我的生命一样困难。付出巨大努力的必要性激发了我相应的热情、精力和毅力。反对加强了我的抵抗力。我已把我身心和灵魂的全部精力都投入到每一项事业中，决心使我的努力获得成功。这种钢铁般的决心塑造了我的品格，现在我有了最难学的功课，——‘要休息，要知道我是上帝’(诗46:10)!我必须学会等候，学会安静，并让别人带头为正义而战。{PH168 49.1}
“当我回顾我们35年来的旅行和战争的生活，并且看到我们在意外和伤害中一直得到多么奇妙的保护时，就使我敬畏和谦卑，意识到我对上帝的义务。当致命的事故发生时，我们一直在火车上，主的仁慈保护了我们，使我们的生命和肢体没有受伤。这事以新的亮光呈现给我。一位著名的人士在与我谈到我们广泛旅行却没有严重事故时，曾经评论说：‘怀长老，你的生活似乎很迷人啊。’我回答说：‘我所侍奉的上帝差遣祂的使者照管我，祂必保护我，直到我的工作完成。’”{PH168 49.2}
讲完这件事之后，我丈夫接着说：“我只能对上帝的仁慈和良善感到惊奇。我必须靠近祂。我必须更加谦卑地行在祂面前。我不会把我在建立真理事业方面的努力所取得的成功归功于我自己。我知道我的操劳不是徒然的;然而是上帝的大能与我同工为要拯救罪人。是祂的福气使人敞开心门接受真理。惟有上帝应得荣耀;因为祂已使祂的工作取得了惊人的成功。”{PH168 50.1}
我们曾有一个约会，要参加7月23和24日安息日和星期日在夏洛特举办的帐棚大会。我身体虚弱，我们决定乘私人马车出行。在路上，我丈夫似乎很愉快，但也有一种严肃感停留在他身上。他再三地赞美主的怜悯和赐福，并且敞怀表达了他对于过去和将来的感想：“耶和华本为善，当受大赞美。祂是急难中随时的帮助。将来似乎是阴沉无常的，但主不会让我们因这些事哀伤。当烦恼来到时，祂会赐给我们恩典忍受得住。对我们来说主已成为的和祂所已经为我们做的，应该使我们非常感恩，以致我们决不会发牢骚或抱怨。我们的劳苦、负担和牺牲决不会被所有的人充分赏识。我看到我因允许自己被这些事烦扰而失去了内心的平安和上帝的福气。{PH168 50.2}
“我的动机被人误解，而且我要帮助、鼓励并坚固我弟兄们的最大努力被一而再、再而三地转过来反对我，这对我来说似乎是难以忍受的。但我原应记住耶稣和祂的种种失望。祂的心灵忧伤，因为祂不被那些祂来要祝福的人所赏识。我原应该细想上帝的怜悯和慈爱，更多地赞美祂，更少地抱怨我弟兄们的忘恩负义。要是我总是把我一切的困惑为难都留给主，少想别人所说所行反对我的事，我原会有更多的平安和喜乐。我现在要先设法当心我自己，不在言行上得罪人，然后再帮助弟兄们，为他们的脚修直道路。我不会停下来为任何一件错待我的行为哀伤。我对人的期望已经过了我所应该期望的。我爱上帝和祂的工作，我也爱我的弟兄们。”{PH168 50.3}
当我们继续旅行时，我完全没有想到这是我们最后一次一起旅行了。天气突然从闷热变得冷飕飕的了。我丈夫着了凉，但以为他的健康那么好，不会受到永久的伤害。他在夏洛特的聚会上操劳，极其清楚而大有能力地传讲真理。在向一班对他最宝贵的题目表现了深切兴趣的人演讲时，他说到自己感到很愉快。他说：“当我把生命的粮掰给别人时，主确实更新了我的心灵。全密歇根的人都在急呼帮助。我多么渴望用切合现代的宝贵真理去安慰、鼓励并加强他们呀!”星期日下午，我讲了节制问题以后，他和其他人一起唱这首激动人心的歌，“敢当效法但以理。”我对他唱歌的力量和精神感到惊讶。{PH168 51.1}
星期三我们回家了。在路上，他抱怨头痛;他的肺充血了，还有些咳嗽。我们以为这次只是患了普通的感冒，很快会治好的。他像往常一样继续工作，但四肢的疼痛烦扰着他。每天早上我们都到我家附近的小树林去一同祈祷。他似乎比往常感触更加深切，会热切祈求好几次。我们渴望知道主让我们做什么。不断有书信从各地寄来，敦促我们参加帐棚大会。我们想找个僻静的地方，在那里专心写作;但拒绝在这些重要的集会中与我们的弟兄相见是很痛苦的。我们多多祈求智慧，以便采取正确的方针。{PH168 52.1}
安息日早上，我们照常一起去了小树林，我丈夫极其热切地祈祷了三次。他似乎不愿停止求上帝给予特别的指导和赐福。他的祈求蒙垂听了，平安和亮光来到了我们心里。我的丈夫赞美主，说：“现在我把一切都交给耶稣。我感到一种甜美、属天的平安，一种确信，主必向我们显明我们的责任;因为我们渴望遵行祂的旨意。”他陪伴我去了帐幕礼拜堂，并以唱诗和祈祷开始了礼拜：这是他最后一次与我肩并肩站在讲台上。{PH168 52.2}
星期日他想他能去参加东部的帐棚大会，并且说如果他有责任要去，主就能给他力量。星期一他得了严重的寒战。星期二，他没有像预期的那样恢复过来，但是我们认为这种疾病是发烧和疟疾的发作，以为很快就会治好的。星期二晚上我的寒战也发作了，病得很重，第二天不能坐起来了。凯洛格医生就提议我们两个都被转移到疗养院，在那里我们可以享受更好的治疗设施。一张床垫被放进了出租马车里，我的丈夫和我最后一次并排躺在一起，就这样被带到了疗养院。{PH168 52.3}
星期五我的症状好转了。于是医生通知我我的丈夫嗜睡，而那被认为是危险的。我立即被带到了他的房间，我一见到他的脸色就知道他快不行了。我试着唤醒他。他明白对他说的一切话，也能用“是”或“不是”回答所有问题，但是似乎不能多说。当我告诉他我认为他快死了时，他没有表现出任何惊奇。我问对他来说耶稣是不是很宝贵。他说“是的，哦，是的。”“你没有活下去的愿望了吗?”我询问。他回答说：“没有了。”{PH168 53.1}
我们于是跪在他的床边，我在那个严肃的时辰为我的丈夫做了祷告。一种平安的表情停留在他的面容上。我对他说。“耶稣爱你。永远的膀臂在你以下。”他回答说：“是的，是的。”我想确定他认出了我们，便请他说出我们是谁。他说：“你是爱伦。你”——看着我们的长子——“是爱德森。我都认识你们。”{PH168 53.2}
史密斯弟兄和其他弟兄那时在他床边周围作了祷告，然后就退去几乎整晚祷告。我丈夫说他感到一点儿也不痛苦;但他显然在迅速衰退。凯洛格医生和他的助手们尽了他们一切所能的要阻止他死去。他慢慢地复兴了，但仍很虚弱。我整晚都和他在一起。{PH168 53.3}
第二天早上他吃了一些营养，似乎略有起色，但约在中午时他打了冷颤，那使他不省人事了。他安静地停止了呼吸，没有一丝挣扎或一声呻吟。幸运的是，我没有看到我的丈夫痛苦地与死亡作斗争。这是临终前可能有的最令人愉快的情景。{PH168 54.1}
有时我觉得不能让我丈夫死去。但这些话似乎要深印在我心上：“你们要休息，要知道我是上帝”(诗46:10)。我们原打算把即将到来的冬天用在写作上。我的丈夫曾说：“我们不要偏离我们的目标。我想我们犯了一个错误，就是在我们本应该写作的时候，却允许圣工的明显需要和我们的弟兄们的恳切请求敦促我们积极从事布道工作。趁着我们的智力尚未减损，我们应该完成我们打算写的书。我打算安排我的商业事务，去太平洋海岸，把冬天的几个月用来写作。这是我们对自己的责任，也是我们对上帝圣工的责任，使我们从激烈的战斗中抽身出来休息，并把上帝已向我们的头脑敞开的宝贵的真理之光传给我们的人。我确信我们面前有一场危机。我们应该为将来的服务保留体力和脑力。救赎的光荣主题本应该很早以前就更充分地呈现在百姓面前;但我却允许自己被叫到园地里，去参加帐棚大会，变得如此疲惫以致不能从事写作。”{PH168 54.2}
我们在这样交谈的时候，经过了一个黑人洗衣妇的简陋的家，她靠每天的劳动养活自己和五个孩子。我的丈夫说：“妻子啊，我们必须照顾这个可怜的女人。我们不要在忙碌的操劳中忘记那些为生存而如此苦苦挣扎的可怜的灵魂。付给他们的钱总是比他们要求的多是很好的，而且你可能有衣服和粮食可以省下来给他们。这对我们来说是件小事，但可能对他们有很大的帮助。”他继续说：“住在这些穷人住的地方，被磨坊贮水池的瘴气包围着，他们必须不断地与疾病和死亡作斗争。如果我有财力可用，我会在高地上建造合适的房子，租给这些穷人。我们要看看可以做什么来使他们艰苦的命运变得更舒适。”我的丈夫总是帮助穷困的人。他从未故意压榨雇工的工资。他是寡妇的朋友，是孤儿的父亲。{PH168 55.1}
我深刻地感受到了我的损失，但不敢使自己屈服于无用的悲伤。这不会把我的丈夫带回来的。而且我也不能那么自私，照我所愿的把他从平安的睡眠中带回来再次从事人生的战斗。他像一位疲倦的战士，已经躺下睡去了。我要愉快地看着他安息之处。我和我的孩子能对已倒下的他做的尊贵纪念，就是接受他所留下的工作，并靠着耶稣的力量推进它完成它。我们要因所赐给他的那些有效用的年月而充满感恩。并且为了他的缘故，也为了基督的缘故，我们要从他的去世学会一个我们永远不要忘记的教训。我们要让这场丧亲之痛使我们对活着的人更仁慈温柔，更宽容忍耐，细心体贴。{PH168 55.2}
用芳香的鲜花来装饰我们所爱之人的安息之所，使我们对他们在坟墓中安睡的记忆常保新鲜，这是很好的;这些象征使我们想起我们未来的家园——天堂之美。然而就纪念逝者来说，更美好更持久的悼念，是使上帝允许依然与我们在一起的朋友们的生活阳光灿烂。有许多人需要安慰、鼓励和爱的帮助。有内心痛苦的人需要抚慰。有精神鲁莽轻率、动荡不安的人需要仁慈和爱心争取他们走上平安幸福的道路。{PH168 56.1}
我从来没有像现在这样感受到我救主之爱的价值。我可以证明，如果我们在顺境中为耶稣坚立，在逆境中，当患难临到，我们需要比凡人更大的能力的时候，耶稣必为我们坚立。我发现祂大能的膀臂要拯救到底。上帝的应许现在照耀着，就像来自天国的光束，要安慰、加强、赐福我的人生。我接受这些应许，当作是给我自己的。我不会去我所爱之人的坟墓哭泣哀伤。我不会去思想和谈论坟墓的黑暗。但我要将快乐的复活之晨呈现给我的朋友们，那时赐生命的主必打破被掳之人的绑索，叫他们出来得荣耀不朽的永生。耶稣亲自经过了坟墓，以便我们可以喜乐地展望复活之晨。{PH168 56.2}
我独自开始从事我毕生的事业，满心相信我的救赎主必与我同在。我感谢主，我有我的儿子和他们的伴侣作我的帮手。对于这个福气，我深表感激。{PH168 56.3}
我谨向疗养院的医生和助手们对我丈夫和我本人表示的仁慈、关怀和同情表示感谢。为了救助和恢复我们，大家尽了最大的努力。我尤其要感激地答谢凯洛格医生在我生病和失去亲人时，作为一名医师对我的熟练护理，作为弟兄和朋友给予我的亲切和同情。对那些用鲜花照亮我的病房的人，我表示诚挚的感谢。这些恩惠没有一个会被遗忘。{PH168 57.1}
我还因不在场的朋友们的慰问信而得到了鼓舞和安慰。我无力分别回复这些信，但我感谢他们在我的苦难中用爱心对我说的一切话。{PH168 57.2}
PH168 - In Memoriam: A Sketch of the Last Sickness and Death of Elder James White
【A Sketch of Experience】
(Mrs. White’s Address.)
I want to say a few words to those present on this occasion. My dear Saviour has been my strength and support in this time of need. When taken from my sick-bed to be with my husband in his dying moments, at first the suddenness of the stroke seemed too heavy to bear, and I cried to God to spare him to me,—not to take him away, and leave me to labor alone. Two weeks ago we stood side by side in this desk; but when?I shall stand before you again, he will be missing. He will not be present to help me then. I shall be alone, and yet not alone, for my Saviour will be with me. When my husband was breathing out his life so quietly, without a groan, without a struggle, I felt that it would be selfishness in me to wish to throw my arms of affection around him and detain him here. He was like a tired warrior lying down to rest. My heart can feel to its very depths, and yet I can tell you I have no tears to shed for the dead. My tears are for the living. And I lay away my beloved treasure to rest,—to rest until the morning of the resurrection, when the Lifegiver shall call the captives from the prison-house to a glorious immortality.?{PH168 40.1}[1]
And now I take up my life-work alone. I thank my Saviour I have two sons he has given me to stand by my side. Henceforth the mother must lean upon the children; for the strong, brave, noble-hearted husband is at rest. The turmoil with him is over. How long I shall fight the battles of life alone I cannot say; but there is one thing that I will say to you, and that is, that when I saw my husband breathe his last, I felt that Jesus was more precious to me then than he ever had been in any previous hour of my life. When I stood by my firstborn, and closed his eyes in death, I could say, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” And I felt then that I had a Comforter in Jesus Christ. And when my little one was torn from my arms, and I could no longer see its little head upon the pillow by my side, then I could say, “The Lord gave and the Lord taketh away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”?And now he upon whose large affections I have leaned, with whom I have labored,—and we have been united in labor for thirty-six years,—is taken away; but I can lay my hands upon his eyes and say, I commit my treasure to Thee until the morning of the resurrection.?{PH168 41.1}[2]
When I saw him passing away, and saw the many friends sympathizing with me, I thought, What a contrast to the death of Jesus as he hung upon the cross! What a contrast! In the hour of his agony, the revilers were mocking and deriding him. But he died, and he passed through the tomb to brighten it, and to lighten it, that we might have joy and hope even in the event of death; that we might say as we lay our friends away to rest in Jesus, We shall meet them again.?{PH168 42.1}[3]
And now I appreciate the Christian’s hope, and the Christian’s Heaven, and the Christian’s Saviour, as I have never appreciated them before. And today I can say, “There is rest for the weary.” When we were looking, but a short time ago, to Colorado, and to the Atlantic coast, and to the Pacific, for rest, my husband said, “Let us not be over-anxious. We know not what a day may bring forth. God may open up a way before us that now seems indistinct and cloudy. But,” said he, “I shall have rest, I shall have rest. All our ways are hid in Jesus Christ, and he will open up the way before us if we only trust him from day to day. Let us now trust in him.” And there [turning toward the coffin] my husband has found rest; but I have yet to battle. I cannot yet lay off the armor of the Lord. When I fall, let me fall at my post of duty; let me be ready; let me be where I can say as he said, “All is well. Jesus is precious.”?{PH168 42.2}[4]
And, friends, we all want this hope. In Jesus Christ all our hopes of eternal life are centered, so then let us ever labor for him. He from henceforth is my Guide, and my Husband, and my Counselor, and my Friend. He will walk with me through the thorny paths of life, and at last we shall meet again, where there is no parting, where there is no separation, and where none shall any more say, “I am sick.” I yield my precious treasure; I bid him farewell; I do not go to his grave to weep. Nor can I shed any tears over my youngest nor my eldest son. The morning of the resurrection is too bright. And then I look to that morning when the broken family links shall be re-united, and we shall see the king in his beauty, and behold his matchless charms, and cast our glittering crowns at his feet, and touch the golden harp and fill all Heaven with the strains of our music and songs to the Lamb. We will sing together there. We will triumph together around the great white throne.?{PH168 43.1}[5]
[The following sketch of the religious experience of Elder White during the last few weeks of his life, together with some of the incidents of his last sickness and death, will be of special interest to the reader, coming as it does from the pen of his bereaved companion.]?{PH168 44.1}[6] Some weeks before the death of my husband, I tried to urge upon him the importance of seeking a field of labor where we would be released from?the burdens necessarily coming upon us at Battle Creek. In reply he spoke of various matters which required attention before we could leave,—duties which some one must do. Then with deep feeling he inquired, “Where are the men to do this work? Where are those who will have an unselfish interest in our institutions, and who will stand for the right, unaffected by any influence with which they may come in contact?”?{PH168 44.2}[7]
With tears he expressed his anxiety for our institutions at Battle Creek. Said he, “My life has been given to the upbuilding of these institutions. It seems like death to leave them. They are as my children, and I cannot separate my interest from them. These institutions are the Lord’s instrumentalities to do a specific work. Satan seeks to hinder and defeat every means by which the Lord is working for the salvation of men. If the great adversary can mold these institutions according to the world’s standard, his object is gained. It is my greatest anxiety to have the right man in the right place. If those who stand in responsible positions are weak in moral power, and vacillating in principle, inclined to lead toward the world, there are enough who will be led. Evil influences must not prevail. I would rather die than live to see these institutions mismanaged, or turned aside from the purpose for which they were brought into existence.?{PH168 45.1}[8]
“In my relations to this cause I have been longest and most closely connected with the publishing work. Three times have I fallen, stricken with paralysis, through my devotion to this branch of the cause. Now that God has given me renewed physical and mental strength, I feel that I can serve his cause as I have never been able to serve?it before. I must see the publishing work prosper. It is interwoven with my very existence. If I forget the interests of this work, let my right hand forget her cunning.?{PH168 45.2}[9]
“I think but few can appreciate my feelings of devotion to this instrumentality of God. It is the child of my care. The Lord used me as his agent to bring this work into existence, and to carry it forward until it stood forth in power, a glorious success. Few know the anguish I have felt, as I have seen it burdened with debt. I have always said I would never place a mortgage on my home; but the debt on our Publishing Association is worse than this. Perhaps the evil is magnified in my mind; I may feel too deeply over the matter; but the very thought of it sends a thrill of pain through my heart. I say to myself, I will never rest until this institution is freed from debt. I have engaged in various enterprises with the sole purpose of accomplishing this object. I have prayed earnestly that God would make my efforts successful. If he shall be pleased to grant my petition, to his name alone shall be ascribed the glory.”?{PH168 46.1}[10]
About two weeks before his death, my husband often asked me to accompany him to the grove, near our house, to engage with him in prayer. These were precious seasons. Upon one of these occasions he said, “I feel my heart unusually drawn out in earnest longing for more of the Spirit of God. I have not prayed as often as I should. When we neglect prayer, we come to feel a sufficiency in ourselves, as though we could do great things. But the nearer we come to God, the more we feel our own weakness, and our need of help from above. In God is my strength; in him I shall triumph.”?{PH168 46.2}[11]
At another time, while walking to the usual place for prayer, he stopped abruptly; his face was very pale, and he said, “A deep solemnity is upon my spirit. I am not discouraged, but I feel that some change is about to take place in affairs that concern myself and you. What if you should not live? Oh, this cannot be! God has a work for you to do. But I hope you will give yourself time to rest, that you may recover from this enfeebled condition. It continues so long that I feel much anxiety as to the result. I feel a sense of danger, and with it comes an unutterable longing for the special blessing of God, an assurance that all my sins are washed away by the blood of Christ. I confess my errors, and ask your forgiveness for any word or act that has caused you sorrow. There must be nothing to hinder our prayers. Everything must be right between us, and between ourselves and God.”?{PH168 47.1}[12]
We there in humility of soul confessed to each other our errors, and then made earnest supplication for the mercy and blessing of God. My husband remained bowed some minutes after our prayers had ceased. When he arose, his countenance was cheerful and happy. He praised the Lord, saying he felt the assurance of the love of Christ. “How quickly,” said he, “our self-sufficiency disappears when we obtain a view of Jesus on the cross. I am ashamed that I ever thought I had a hard time; that I ever complained of my trials. One look at the cross makes me feel that I have endured nothing for Jesus and his truth. This experience shall never be forgotten by me. When misunderstood and misrepresented, I have permitted a combative spirit to be aroused in me, and have sought to vindicate my course. I now?see my mistake in this. I will never again call attention to myself. If I walk in humility I shall have a friend who will never leave nor forsake me. I will leave my work and all my interests in the hands of Jesus, and let him vindicate my cause.”?{PH168 47.2}[13]
He then uttered a few words of earnest prayer: “Thou, O God, hast a work to be done in the earth; a work so great that we in our weakness tremble as we contemplate its magnitude. But if thou wilt give us strength, we will take up the work committed to our hands, and carry it forward. We will seek to put self out of sight, and to magnify the power of grace in every word and act of life. A solemn trust is ours. What will be our record in the day of God? I will praise thee, O Lord, for I am wholly thine, and thou art mine.”?{PH168 48.1}[14]
“From this time,” he continued, “I will be free in God. I have allowed business to hurry and burden me, so that I have had little time to pray. Here I have erred. The Lord does not desire us to be in so great a hurry. He can use us to better effect if we take time to pray, to study the Bible, and to praise his name. The Lord has a work for us to do. I must be fitted for it, and I feel that I have not a moment to lose. I will not yield to doubt or discouragement. The Lord blesses me, even me.” He wept aloud, and exclaimed, “How ungrateful I have been, for all God’s mercy and love!”?{PH168 48.2}[15]
Upon another occasion, while praying in the grove, he said, “The words spoken by Christ to Joshua come with solemn power to my mind: ‘Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy.’ I feel that I must be entirely divested of self. I desire faithfully to employ my powers to promote peace, happiness,?and progress in the cause of God. I must cultivate sympathy and patience. With me, to be still requires more grace than to be active in the battle. ‘Peace, be still!’ This is the lesson I will learn.?{PH168 48.3}[16]
“Ours has been a life of active service. Traveling east and west, in the cold of winter and the heat of summer, never allowing ourselves to be controlled by circumstances, undaunted by poverty, undismayed by opposition, we have pressed on in the path of duty. Life has been a constant scene of exertion; and now to learn to lay off the heavier burdens seems as difficult as to part with my life. The necessity for great effort inspires me with corresponding zeal, energy, and perseverance. Opposition has strengthened in me the power of resistance. I have thrown all the energies of body, and mind, and soul into every undertaking, resolved that success should crown my efforts. This iron determination has molded my character, and now I have that hardest lesson to learn,—‘Be still, and know that I am God.’ I must learn to wait, learn to be quiet, and let others lead in the battles for right.?{PH168 49.1}[17]
“When I look over our life of travel and warfare for the past thirty-five years, and see how wonderfully we have been preserved from accident and harm, it awes and humbles me, under a sense of my obligations to God. We have been on the cars when fatal accidents have occurred, and the Lord’s mercy has preserved us, so that life and limb have been uninjured. This appears to me in a new light. A prominent man, in conversing with me of our extensive travels, with no serious accident, once remarked, ‘Eld. White, yours seems to be a charmed life.’ I answered, ‘The God?whom I serve has given his angels charge over me, and until my work is done, he will preserve me.’”?{PH168 49.2}[18]
After relating this incident, my husband continued, “I can but wonder at the mercy and goodness of God. I must come nearer to him. I must walk in greater humility before him. I will take no credit to myself for the success that has crowned my efforts in the upbuilding of the cause of truth. I know that I have not labored in vain; but it is the power of God that has wrought with me to save sinners. It is his blessing that has opened hearts to receive the truth. God alone shall be glorified; for he has made his work a marvelous success.”?{PH168 50.1}[19]
We had an appointment to attend a tent-meeting at Charlotte, Sabbath and Sunday, July 23 and 24. And I was in feeble health, we decided to travel by private conveyance. On the way, my husband seemed cheerful, yet a feeling of solemnity rested upon him. He repeatedly praised the Lord for mercies and blessings received, and freely expressed his own feelings concerning the past and the future: “The Lord is good, and greatly to be praised. He is a present help in time of need. The future seems cloudy and uncertain, but the Lord would not have us distressed over these things. When trouble comes, he will give us grace to endure it. What the Lord has been to us, and what he has done for us, should make us so grateful that we would never murmur or complain. Our labors, burdens, and sacrifices will never be fully appreciated by all. I see that I have lost my peace of mind and the blessing of God by permitting myself to be troubled by these things.?{PH168 50.2}[20]
“It has seemed hard to me that my motives should be misjudged, and that my best efforts to?help, encourage, and strengthen my brethren should again and again be turned against me. But I should have remembered Jesus and his disappointments. His soul was grieved that he was not appreciated by those he came to bless. I should have dwelt upon the mercy and loving-kindness of God, praising him more, and complaining less of the ingratitude of my brethren. Had I ever left all my perplexities with the Lord, thinking less of what others said and did against me, I should have had more peace and joy. I will now seek first to guard myself that I offend not in word or deed, and then to help my brethren make straight paths for their feet. I will not stop to mourn over any wrong done to me. I have expected more of men than I ought. I love God and his work, and I love my brethren also.”?{PH168 50.3}[21]
Little did I think, as we traveled on, that this was the last journey we would ever make together. The weather changed suddenly from oppressive heat to chilling cold. My husband took cold, but thought his health so good that he would receive no permanent injury. He labored in the meetings at Charlotte, presenting the truth with great clearness and power. He spoke of the pleasure he felt in addressing a people who manifested so deep an interest in the subjects most dear to him. “The Lord has indeed refreshed my soul,” he said, “while I have been breaking to others the bread of life. All over Michigan the people are calling eagerly for help. How I long to comfort, encourage, and strengthen them with the precious truths applicable to this time!” On Sunday afternoon, after I had spoken on the subject of temperance, he united with others in singing the stirring song, “Dare to be a Daniel.” I was surprised at the power and spirit with which he sung.?{PH168 51.1}[22]
Wednesday we returned home. On the way he complained of headache; his lungs were congested, and he coughed some. We thought the attack only a common cold which would readily yield to treatment. He went about his work as usual, but was troubled with pain in his limbs. Every morning we visited the grove near our house, and united in prayer. He seemed to feel more deeply in earnest than usual, and would pray fervently several times. We were anxious to know what the Lord would have us do. Letters were continually coming in from different places, urging us to attend the camp-meetings. We wished to seek some retired place, and there devote ourselves to writing; and yet it was painful to refuse to meet with our brethren in these important gatherings. We prayed much for wisdom that we might take the right course.?{PH168 52.1}[23]
Sabbath morning, as usual, we walked to the grove together, and my husband prayed most fervently three times. He seemed reluctant to cease pleading with God for special guidance and blessing. His prayers were heard, and peace and light came to our hearts. My husband praised the Lord, and said, “Now I give it all up to Jesus. I feel a sweet, heavenly peace, an assurance that the Lord will show us our duty; for we desire to do his will.” He accompanied me to the Tabernacle, and opened the services with singing and prayer: It was the last time he was ever to stand by my side in the pulpit.?{PH168 52.2}[24]
On Sunday he thought he would be able to attend the Eastern camp-meetings, and said the Lord could give him strength, if it was his duty to go. Monday he had a severe chill. Tuesday he did not rally as expected, but we thought the disease?an attack of fever and ague, and supposed that it would soon yield to treatment. Tuesday night I was attacked with chills, and was very sick, being unable to sit up on the following day. Dr. Kellogg then proposed that we both be removed to the Sanitarium, where we could enjoy better facilities for treatment. A mattress was placed in a hack, my husband and myself were laid side by side, for the last time, and thus taken to the Sanitarium.?{PH168 52.3}[25]
On Friday my symptoms were more favorable. The doctor then informed me that my husband was inclined to sleep, and that danger was apprehended. I was immediately taken to his room, and as soon as I looked upon his countenance I knew that he was dying. I tried to arouse him. He understood all that was said to him, and responded to all questions that could be answered by yes or no, but seemed unable to say more. When I told him I thought he was dying, he manifested no surprise. I asked if Jesus was precious to him. He said, “Yes, oh yes.” “Have you no desire to live?” I inquired. He answered, No.?{PH168 53.1}[26]
We then knelt by his bedside, and I prayed for my husband in that solemn hour. A peaceful expression rested upon his countenance. I said to him, “Jesus loves you. The everlasting arms are beneath you.” He responded, “Yes, yes.” I wished to be certain that he recognized us, and I asked him to tell who we were. He said, “You are Ellen. You”—looking at our elder son—“are Edson. I know you all.”?{PH168 53.2}[27]
Bro. Smith and other brethren then prayed around his bedside, and retired to spend much of the night in prayer. My husband said he felt no?pain; but he was evidently failing fast. Dr. Kellogg and his helpers did all that was in their power to hold him back from death. He slowly revived, but continued very weak. I remained with him through the night.?{PH168 53.3}[28]
The next morning he took some nourishment, and seemed slightly to revive. About noon he had a chill, which left him unconscious, and he quietly breathed his life away, without a struggle or a groan. I was mercifully spared the anguish of seeing my husband in agony battling with death. The scene was as pleasant as it was possible for a deathbed to be.?{PH168 54.1}[29]
At times I felt that I could not have my husband die. But these words seemed to be impressed on my mind: “Be still, and know that I am God.” We had designed to devote the coming winter to writing. My husband had said, “Let us not be turned aside from our purpose. I think we have made a mistake, in allowing the apparent wants of the cause and the earnest entreaties of our brethren to urge us into active labor in preaching when we should have been writing. While our mental powers are unimpaired, we should complete our contemplated books. I design to arrange my business affairs, go to the Pacific coast, and devote the winter months to writing. It is a duty which we owe to ourselves and to the cause of God to rest from the heat of battle and to give to our people the precious light of truth which God has opened to our minds. I feel assured there is a crisis before us. We should preserve our physical and mental powers for future service. The glorious subject of Redemption should long ago have been more fully presented to the people; but I have allowed myself to be called into the field, to?attend camp-meetings, and have become so worn that I could not engage in writing.”?{PH168 54.2}[30]
While thus conversing, we passed the humble home of a colored washer-woman, who supported herself and five children by her daily labor. Said my husband, “Wife, we must look after this poor woman. Let us not, amid our busy cares, forget the poor souls who have so hard a struggle to live. It is well always to pay them more than they ask; and you may have clothing and provisions that you can spare them. It will be a small matter to us, but may be a great help to them.” He continued, “Living where these poor people do, surrounded by the miasm of the millpond, they must have constantly to battle with disease and death. If I had means at my command, I would build suitable houses on high land to rent to these poor people. We will see what can be done to make their hard lot more comfortable.” My husband was always a helper of the poor and the needy. He never knowingly oppressed the hireling in his wages. He was the widow’s friend, a father to the fatherless.?{PH168 55.1}[31]
I keenly feel my loss, but I dare not give myself up to useless grief. This would not bring back my husband. And I am not so selfish as to wish, if I could, to bring him from his peaceful slumber to engage again in the battles of life. Like a tired warrior, he has lain down to sleep. I will look with pleasure upon his resting-place. The best way in which I and my children can honor the memory of him who has fallen, is to take the work where he left it, and in the strength of Jesus carry it forward to completion. We will be thankful for the years of usefulness that were granted to him. And for his sake, and for Christ’s?sake, we will learn from his death a lesson which we shall never forget. We will let this bereavement make us more kind and gentle, more forbearing, patient, and thoughtful toward the living.?{PH168 55.2}[32]
It is well to keep fresh in our minds the memory of loved ones sleeping in the grave, by adorning their resting-place with fresh, sweet flowers; these emblems remind us of the beauties of Paradise, our future home. But it is a still sweeter and more enduring tribute to the memory of the departed, to make bright and sunny the lives of friends whom God has permitted to remain with us. There are many who need words of comfort and encouragement, and offices of love. There are aching hearts to be soothed. There are rash, turbulent spirits that kindness and love may win to the paths of peace and happiness.?{PH168 56.1}[33]
Never did I feel the worth of my Saviour’s love as I feel it now. I can testify that if in prosperity we stand up for Jesus, in adversity, when afflictions come and we need more than mortal strength, Jesus will stand up for us. I find his arm mighty to save to the uttermost. The promises of God are now shining forth, like beams of light from Heaven, to comfort, strengthen, and bless my life. I take these promises as my own. I will not visit the graves of my loved ones to weep and lament. I will not think and talk of the darkness of the tomb. But I will present to my friends the glad morning of the resurrection, when the Life-giver shall break the fetters of the captives and call them forth to a glorious immortality. Jesus himself passed through the tomb, that we might look with joy to the resurrection morning.?{PH168 56.2}[34]
I take up my life-work alone, in full confidence that my Redeemer will be with me. I thank the?Lord that I have my sons and their companions to be my helpers. For this blessing I am deeply grateful.?{PH168 56.3}[35]
I wish to express my appreciation of the kindness, attention, and sympathy extended to both my husband and myself by the physicians and helpers of the Sanitarium. All exerted themselves to the utmost for our relief and recovery. Especially would I acknowledge with gratitude Dr. Kellogg’s skillful care as a physician, as well as his kindness and sympathy as a brother and friend, in my sickness and bereavement. To those also who brightened my sick-room with flowers, I extend my sincere thanks. Not one of these favors is forgotten.?{PH168 57.1}[36]
I have also been cheered and comforted by letters of sympathy from absent friends. I have not strength to respond to these separately, but I thank all for their words of love in my affliction.?{PH168 57.2}[37]
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